[ Shez recognizes and appreciates the effort poured into sugarcoating that entire ordeal, but whatever light snicker he can muster lacks any real amusement, the memory still weighing on him for a multitude of reasons. Arval's betrayal, the threat on the lives of his friends and rulers of Fodlan, Epimenides's revelation that only gave him even more questions than answers... It was a lot to process.
Most days, he wouldn't let himself dwell on those thoughts, and would just push them to the back of his mind; right now, the best he can do is to crack a half-hearted joke in return. ]
I'll just hope you're not as committed to drugging me. Between that and making up fancy stories, I'm starting to worry.
[ Between the two of them, Shez knows he's the one being greater reason for concern. It's not like him to be this pensive, so caught up in a head that's often blissfully empty, but recent events have forced him to consider what little he knows about his origins, his powers... and how much of a liability he could eventually turn out to be again, all the more so in this place where nothing is ever guaranteed-- a place where even the dead will rise again, haunt them, leave them without a second glance. ]
I don't mean to dismiss your Faerghan honor or anything, but maybe you shouldn't make any promises until you hear the whole story.
[ That is the fair thing to do, to let Yuri make an educated decision; his pragmatic side knows this, just as well as Shez knows there's no blaming anyone for leaving him in the dust after learning the truth. Still, it's a vulnerable position to be in, so he takes a fortifying breath before he can proceed. ]
That is, if you wanna hear it. [ He turns to his friend again, just to be sure. ] It's not the kinda thing anyone could easily believe, but I guess the good thing about Kenos is that nothing sounds all that far-fetched anymore, huh?
[ Yuri would rather never have to knock out a friend or ally, but he's known all along that they could be robbed of their agency. Their hands could be forced, as had been described to him by others, by powers they don't understand. So he had considered contingencies, as was only natural. Certain plants native to this place could give someone a nice, long nap, if they needed to buy time for a real solution.
He may have explained this, were it not for what Shez goes on to say. The degree to which Yuri has endeavored to ready himself for worst-case scensrios can wait, when the conversation has taken this turn. As casually as Shez has presented his offer, there's a certain weight to the proposition. An unease, he'd venture to say.
His attention inevitably drifts from the sea back to Shez, regarding him in thoughtful silence before he responds. ]
I'll hear it if you're game to talk about it.
[ People have their secrets, he knows. When and how they decide to share them is something Yuri leaves to their determination — at least when it's his friends. Anyone else is fair game, so far as he's concerned. In this case, well. Shez is a friend. He'd be a filthy liar (more than usual) if he said he hadn't been curious all this time, but he felt he'd known better than to ask.
Now that it sounds like it ties back into Shez's concerns, though... ]
[ To call it unease is probably an understatement, but accurate nonetheless.
It's not like Shez isn't used to distrust, of course, far from it. His entire mercenary life has been about building up his reputation and convincing people to rely on him, and he's had to jump over twice as many hurdles upon joining Dimitri's army, with nobles and ranked officials alike questioning the merits of his position. There had also been several members of the Church frowning upon him, with Seteth in particular being so wary of him to the point of requesting he'd keep his distance both from the Archbishop and Flayn alike. Honestly, Shez couldn't even blame him, or resent him for it-- if anything, he appreciated the honesty.
And that's why, at Yuri's response, he nods. It might be harder to deal with mistrust from a friend, and all the more so if he's cast aside entirely, but... he would rather know for sure, where he stands with people. ]
Wouldn't have offered to talk about it if I didn't feel like it. The problem is... figuring out where to start.
[ Well. Not like Shez is the type for much preamble, either. Sometimes it's just easier to cut straight to the chase. ]
You know how you guys would sometimes catch me staring at nothing as though I was in a trance? Or talking to myself? The truth is, I was talking to someone. Someone only I could hear in my head, and that's who I got my powers from.
[ ... yeah, that's probably only giving Yuri more questions than answers, but it's a starting point? ]
[ Difficult subject that it is for Shez, Yuri makes for a patient audience. He's grown accustomed to halting progress in explaining certain things from others during his tenure here, and perhaps that primes him for this to an extent.
The subject matter itself, on the other hand... ]
So you've got a little buddy in there, is what you're saying?
[ Is he understanding that correctly? Shez is talking about having a roommate in his body who comes with handy little perks and chats him up? It is absolutely among the stranger things he's heard, but Shez is right that Kenos has upped his threshold for oddities. Some of what transpires here would be impossible back home.
[ Shez doesn't doubt that Yuri is taking this conversation seriously, of course, and he realizes the subject at hand is rather odd as it is, but there's still something so peculiar about the nonchalance that just takes him back for a half second. ]
... y'know, that has to be one of the weirdest ways to talk about a topic that's weird enough on its own.
[ But there's no real judgement in his tone, just the need to punctuate his surprise. In all truth, it's not like Shez himself has any idea how he would react to this kind of reveal, had he not witnessed it in the flesh. ]
But yeah, I did. Their name was Arval, and they'd been around since way before I met any of you guys. Maybe even longer.
[ And there's a solid reason for his suspicions, but he'll get there in time. For now, he folds his arms over his knees and props his chin up on them, his gaze back to the ocean, as though it could aid him in fishing out memories. ]
I guess that's technically not right. I first became aware of Arval when I ran into Byleth and the rest of Jeralt's Mercenaries. They wiped my entire company, and I was staring death in the face when I heard this voice in my head, mumbling something or another about 'the cycle of this world' and before I even knew it...
[ He makes a point of showing instead of telling, with a swift and unannounced change into his Awakened form. It makes for a more immersive experience? ]
[ Yuri jolts at the sudden change, staring owlishly for a beat before he can collect himself. It shouldn't startle him, he reasons, but Shez caught him off guard in the moment. He'd been so occupied with processing the words themselves... ]
Oh, I think I could come up with weirder descriptions, best not challenge me.
[ He says it casually with a flap of a hand, if only to smooth his composure back out. Despite the words, Yuri does take this seriously. After all, Shez is confiding in him here, which surely isn't easy. Compared to a fair few people in this world they've wound up in, Yuri has no unusual standout conditions, save that he might be immortal. And that was something he and Seteth could only speculate on.
Regardless, he's seen some damn strange things in his tenure in this place. Maybe for that reason, it's easier to accept something like Shez having had a roommate in his own body. It sounds as though he may not know the how or why of it, but— ]
So it must have been Arval taking the reins that one time, I take it... [ Funny that he'd mentioned cycles, given the nature of the world they find themselves in now, but Yuri sets that aside for another time. ] Hell of a thing, to not have a say in what your own body's doing.
[ Yuri feels it safe to assume that was the case. Shez wouldn't have turned on Byleth — on any of them — that way. That's what he believes. And in his own, rather different way, he understands not having a say. The circumstances were vastly different, but he sympathizes all the same. ]
...But you're using past tense, so are they gone now?
[ Shez belatedly catches up to how startled Yuri had been to see him transform, and though the surprise can't be undone, he's still quick to change back to his regular color scheme, no more white markings adorning his face and neck. Funny, how the reaction makes him think back to his original awakening, and how it hadn't felt strange-- though one could chalk it up to his life being on the line, at the time.
Right. Arval saved his life back then, and then so many times after that, and yet-- ]
... yeah. They're gone now.
[ Not just gone. Shez was the one to cut them down. ]
I've got some gaps in my memory after Byleth and I split up from everyone else that day, so I guess it was at that point that Arval took over my body. I remember... struggling and trying to take control again, but the best I could do was hold them back for a bit so Byleth could run. I know that's when everyone tried to intervene, but after we escaped...
[ A hand ventures into his hair, fingers clutching his head as though he could squeeze the memories of his body, if his mind wasn't entirely conscious at the time. ]
We ran into Solon and killed him. For... a spell? [ Was that right? Did they really sacrifice one of their own for that kind of power? ] He said we came from... Shambhala...?
[ The longer he pushes on, the heavier his breathing, as though the effort to fill in the gaps takes a physical toll to match his mental strain-- and honestly, it feels like an extra invisible hand tries to crush his skull with enough strength to rival a Blaiddyd's. So he shakes it off with a wince deciding not to force it any further for the moment. ]
After that, everything went dark. When I woke up again, I was in this... void? [ He frowns at his own phrasing, but it's the best he can do. ] And Dimitri had been pulled in, along with Claude and Edelgard. Arval was there, too, but... it wasn't really them anymore. It was a man who called himself Epimenides.
[ When Shez hastens to shift back into his more familiar appearance, Yuri's expression turns apologetic. If he can handle Byleth being a big muscular dragon, surely he should be able to handle Shez changing colors... Granted, he took waking up to a gaint scaly beast in Byleth's bednest about as well as one would expect at first.
In his defense, it was a hell of a thing to be presented with first thing in the morning. By comparison, surely he should have been more composed when Shez was just trying to show him what he meant? But what's done is done, and his private self-admonishment goes without comment. ]
Sounds like one hell of a time.
[ An understatement. Shez's account answers some lingering questions he's had, while giving rise to so many new ones. It must have been a wild, disorienting experience for the lot of them, if not a terrifying one. Just winding up in some void, confronted with someone wearing the guise of someone he knew, while not being them at all...
Damn, what happened during the Harbinger's test may have felt terribly reminiscent of that. Here Yuri had already known it to be a terrible thing, but there could well be layers to just how harrowing an experience it was.
[ Oh, was it reminiscent all right-- and in so many more ways than just the one. ]
... yeah, we did. Just not before squaring off against a bunch of copies of ourselves and people we know.
[ Phantoms, as Epimenides had called them, and that right there was especially similar to his Shadow incident, though possibly more cruel. From his one encounter with those things, the Shadow could only keep up the act as Byleth for a limited time, and just barely at that. Those Phantoms, on the other hand... ]
I dunno how that guy could replicate them so well, but they acted exactly like the real deals, down to the way they'd think. Guess he knew exactly who to pick to try and dissuade us from fighting, too: Dedue for Dimitri, Hilda and Hubert for Claude and Edelgard, and-- [ The shortest of pauses for a particularly exhausted sigh. ] --the usual suspect for myself.
[ And there's no amount of sugarcoating or downplaying it that can lessen the weight of his realization, one that has only solidified over the course of his stay in this world. Whether from Arval's persistent enabling of his revenge, Epimenides forcibly taking over his body, the multiple alternate realities he was shown in that hall of mirrors or his run-in with that Shadow, there was always someone or something pitting him against Byleth, like he had no choice in the matter. Sometimes, he truly didn't.
(Sometimes, he was physically robbed of agency. A vessel to someone else's will, as Epimenides had called him.) ]
As if that wasn't cruel enough, he later summoned perfect copies of ourselves into battle. There was really no way to tell friend from foe, so the only solution was that each of us had to slay our own other selves.
[ If his eyes start to shift into something more distant, it's not without reason. We're veering into full Weird territory here, so nothing like a little friendly dissociative state when confronted with memories of witnessing death at one's own hands, right?
(Not pictured: his utter concern for how someone they know actually seemed thrilled to cut himself down. Hmm.) ]
[ Cruel is right. Pitting people against convincing imitations of friends and allies is one hell of an underhanded ploy. It's all news to Yuri, but now that he hears it, it truly is no small wonder why Shez was so shaken when they'd found one another in the labyrinth. And of all the Oracles, the Harbinger.
He wonders what the point of it all was, but there's no sense in trying to answer what they may never know. All they can do is learn from it and be more cautious, lest they fall prey to similar tactics in the future... Yet he and Byleth had been so cautious upon first encountering a "mimic". What had gone wrong after their paths diverged?
This he dares not ask. He'd avoided inquiring after any details his fellow mercenaries haven't volunteered, deeming it best not to pick at still-healing wounds. Oracles may be cruel, but he doesn't intend to be.
For now, he places a companionable hand on Shez's shoulder in a gentle effort to tether him to the present. It seems to him that his friend may be wandering down avenues it's best not to tread, at least in this moment... And he was the one who had asked, and thus prompted it in the first place. ]
Starting to think there's some little group for powerful inhuman entities to brainstorm twisted ways to torment people.
[ A jest, and admittedly a weak one, but the effort is made. ]
Sorry you all went through that before. Can't say the rest of us had any idea what happened at that time.
Edited (when i lose a draft sentence and forget i typed it at all...gg) 2024-02-11 04:52 (UTC)
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no subject
Most days, he wouldn't let himself dwell on those thoughts, and would just push them to the back of his mind; right now, the best he can do is to crack a half-hearted joke in return. ]
I'll just hope you're not as committed to drugging me. Between that and making up fancy stories, I'm starting to worry.
[ Between the two of them, Shez knows he's the one being greater reason for concern. It's not like him to be this pensive, so caught up in a head that's often blissfully empty, but recent events have forced him to consider what little he knows about his origins, his powers... and how much of a liability he could eventually turn out to be again, all the more so in this place where nothing is ever guaranteed-- a place where even the dead will rise again, haunt them, leave them without a second glance. ]
I don't mean to dismiss your Faerghan honor or anything, but maybe you shouldn't make any promises until you hear the whole story.
[ That is the fair thing to do, to let Yuri make an educated decision; his pragmatic side knows this, just as well as Shez knows there's no blaming anyone for leaving him in the dust after learning the truth. Still, it's a vulnerable position to be in, so he takes a fortifying breath before he can proceed. ]
That is, if you wanna hear it. [ He turns to his friend again, just to be sure. ] It's not the kinda thing anyone could easily believe, but I guess the good thing about Kenos is that nothing sounds all that far-fetched anymore, huh?
no subject
He may have explained this, were it not for what Shez goes on to say. The degree to which Yuri has endeavored to ready himself for worst-case scensrios can wait, when the conversation has taken this turn. As casually as Shez has presented his offer, there's a certain weight to the proposition. An unease, he'd venture to say.
His attention inevitably drifts from the sea back to Shez, regarding him in thoughtful silence before he responds. ]
I'll hear it if you're game to talk about it.
[ People have their secrets, he knows. When and how they decide to share them is something Yuri leaves to their determination — at least when it's his friends. Anyone else is fair game, so far as he's concerned. In this case, well. Shez is a friend. He'd be a filthy liar (more than usual) if he said he hadn't been curious all this time, but he felt he'd known better than to ask.
Now that it sounds like it ties back into Shez's concerns, though... ]
no subject
It's not like Shez isn't used to distrust, of course, far from it. His entire mercenary life has been about building up his reputation and convincing people to rely on him, and he's had to jump over twice as many hurdles upon joining Dimitri's army, with nobles and ranked officials alike questioning the merits of his position. There had also been several members of the Church frowning upon him, with Seteth in particular being so wary of him to the point of requesting he'd keep his distance both from the Archbishop and Flayn alike. Honestly, Shez couldn't even blame him, or resent him for it-- if anything, he appreciated the honesty.
And that's why, at Yuri's response, he nods. It might be harder to deal with mistrust from a friend, and all the more so if he's cast aside entirely, but... he would rather know for sure, where he stands with people. ]
Wouldn't have offered to talk about it if I didn't feel like it. The problem is... figuring out where to start.
[ Well. Not like Shez is the type for much preamble, either. Sometimes it's just easier to cut straight to the chase. ]
You know how you guys would sometimes catch me staring at nothing as though I was in a trance? Or talking to myself? The truth is, I was talking to someone. Someone only I could hear in my head, and that's who I got my powers from.
[ ... yeah, that's probably only giving Yuri more questions than answers, but it's a starting point? ]
no subject
The subject matter itself, on the other hand... ]
So you've got a little buddy in there, is what you're saying?
[ Is he understanding that correctly? Shez is talking about having a roommate in his body who comes with handy little perks and chats him up? It is absolutely among the stranger things he's heard, but Shez is right that Kenos has upped his threshold for oddities. Some of what transpires here would be impossible back home.
Or, at least, to the best of his knowledge. ]
no subject
... y'know, that has to be one of the weirdest ways to talk about a topic that's weird enough on its own.
[ But there's no real judgement in his tone, just the need to punctuate his surprise. In all truth, it's not like Shez himself has any idea how he would react to this kind of reveal, had he not witnessed it in the flesh. ]
But yeah, I did. Their name was Arval, and they'd been around since way before I met any of you guys. Maybe even longer.
[ And there's a solid reason for his suspicions, but he'll get there in time. For now, he folds his arms over his knees and props his chin up on them, his gaze back to the ocean, as though it could aid him in fishing out memories. ]
I guess that's technically not right. I first became aware of Arval when I ran into Byleth and the rest of Jeralt's Mercenaries. They wiped my entire company, and I was staring death in the face when I heard this voice in my head, mumbling something or another about 'the cycle of this world' and before I even knew it...
[ He makes a point of showing instead of telling, with a swift and unannounced change into his Awakened form. It makes for a more immersive experience? ]
no subject
Oh, I think I could come up with weirder descriptions, best not challenge me.
[ He says it casually with a flap of a hand, if only to smooth his composure back out. Despite the words, Yuri does take this seriously. After all, Shez is confiding in him here, which surely isn't easy. Compared to a fair few people in this world they've wound up in, Yuri has no unusual standout conditions, save that he might be immortal. And that was something he and Seteth could only speculate on.
Regardless, he's seen some damn strange things in his tenure in this place. Maybe for that reason, it's easier to accept something like Shez having had a roommate in his own body. It sounds as though he may not know the how or why of it, but— ]
So it must have been Arval taking the reins that one time, I take it... [ Funny that he'd mentioned cycles, given the nature of the world they find themselves in now, but Yuri sets that aside for another time. ] Hell of a thing, to not have a say in what your own body's doing.
[ Yuri feels it safe to assume that was the case. Shez wouldn't have turned on Byleth — on any of them — that way. That's what he believes. And in his own, rather different way, he understands not having a say. The circumstances were vastly different, but he sympathizes all the same. ]
...But you're using past tense, so are they gone now?
no subject
Right. Arval saved his life back then, and then so many times after that, and yet-- ]
... yeah. They're gone now.
[ Not just gone. Shez was the one to cut them down. ]
I've got some gaps in my memory after Byleth and I split up from everyone else that day, so I guess it was at that point that Arval took over my body. I remember... struggling and trying to take control again, but the best I could do was hold them back for a bit so Byleth could run. I know that's when everyone tried to intervene, but after we escaped...
[ A hand ventures into his hair, fingers clutching his head as though he could squeeze the memories of his body, if his mind wasn't entirely conscious at the time. ]
We ran into Solon and killed him. For... a spell? [ Was that right? Did they really sacrifice one of their own for that kind of power? ] He said we came from... Shambhala...?
[ The longer he pushes on, the heavier his breathing, as though the effort to fill in the gaps takes a physical toll to match his mental strain-- and honestly, it feels like an extra invisible hand tries to crush his skull with enough strength to rival a Blaiddyd's. So he shakes it off with a wince deciding not to force it any further for the moment. ]
After that, everything went dark. When I woke up again, I was in this... void? [ He frowns at his own phrasing, but it's the best he can do. ] And Dimitri had been pulled in, along with Claude and Edelgard. Arval was there, too, but... it wasn't really them anymore. It was a man who called himself Epimenides.
no subject
In his defense, it was a hell of a thing to be presented with first thing in the morning. By comparison, surely he should have been more composed when Shez was just trying to show him what he meant? But what's done is done, and his private self-admonishment goes without comment. ]
Sounds like one hell of a time.
[ An understatement. Shez's account answers some lingering questions he's had, while giving rise to so many new ones. It must have been a wild, disorienting experience for the lot of them, if not a terrifying one. Just winding up in some void, confronted with someone wearing the guise of someone he knew, while not being them at all...
Damn, what happened during the Harbinger's test may have felt terribly reminiscent of that. Here Yuri had already known it to be a terrible thing, but there could well be layers to just how harrowing an experience it was.
...Best not speculate, he tells himself. ]
Did you end up squaring off against that guy?
[ Just a hunch. ]
no subject
... yeah, we did. Just not before squaring off against a bunch of copies of ourselves and people we know.
[ Phantoms, as Epimenides had called them, and that right there was especially similar to his Shadow incident, though possibly more cruel. From his one encounter with those things, the Shadow could only keep up the act as Byleth for a limited time, and just barely at that. Those Phantoms, on the other hand... ]
I dunno how that guy could replicate them so well, but they acted exactly like the real deals, down to the way they'd think. Guess he knew exactly who to pick to try and dissuade us from fighting, too: Dedue for Dimitri, Hilda and Hubert for Claude and Edelgard, and-- [ The shortest of pauses for a particularly exhausted sigh. ] --the usual suspect for myself.
[ And there's no amount of sugarcoating or downplaying it that can lessen the weight of his realization, one that has only solidified over the course of his stay in this world. Whether from Arval's persistent enabling of his revenge, Epimenides forcibly taking over his body, the multiple alternate realities he was shown in that hall of mirrors or his run-in with that Shadow, there was always someone or something pitting him against Byleth, like he had no choice in the matter. Sometimes, he truly didn't.
(Sometimes, he was physically robbed of agency. A vessel to someone else's will, as Epimenides had called him.) ]
As if that wasn't cruel enough, he later summoned perfect copies of ourselves into battle. There was really no way to tell friend from foe, so the only solution was that each of us had to slay our own other selves.
[ If his eyes start to shift into something more distant, it's not without reason. We're veering into full Weird territory here, so nothing like a little friendly dissociative state when confronted with memories of witnessing death at one's own hands, right?
(Not pictured: his utter concern for how someone they know actually seemed thrilled to cut himself down. Hmm.) ]
no subject
He wonders what the point of it all was, but there's no sense in trying to answer what they may never know. All they can do is learn from it and be more cautious, lest they fall prey to similar tactics in the future... Yet he and Byleth had been so cautious upon first encountering a "mimic". What had gone wrong after their paths diverged?
This he dares not ask. He'd avoided inquiring after any details his fellow mercenaries haven't volunteered, deeming it best not to pick at still-healing wounds. Oracles may be cruel, but he doesn't intend to be.
For now, he places a companionable hand on Shez's shoulder in a gentle effort to tether him to the present. It seems to him that his friend may be wandering down avenues it's best not to tread, at least in this moment... And he was the one who had asked, and thus prompted it in the first place. ]
Starting to think there's some little group for powerful inhuman entities to brainstorm twisted ways to torment people.
[ A jest, and admittedly a weak one, but the effort is made. ]
Sorry you all went through that before. Can't say the rest of us had any idea what happened at that time.